I have reached that stage in my career. Yes, that one. The one where I'll take any job I can because my college loans are looming dead ahead and I cannot avoid them any longer.
I count myself lucky. Scholarships, loans, and grants covered roughly two-thirds of my private Christian school undergraduate education, and I had a teaching assistantship in grad school that granted me a tuition waiver and stipend. So I really don't have much to pay back, right? Except for the fact that I owe around $400 a month for the next 25 years. That's what I'm dealing with.
So how am I dealing with the Loans? Well, I have a wonderful job that I love and my coworkers are my second family... But that only pays for living expenses. Barely. So I just took a second job. Two jobs, you say? That can't be that bad. Many people have two jobs. And they do! And they manage them well! However, I am working graveyard shifts at my second job that make it so I don't get to go to bed between the end of that shift and starting at my first job. Factor in, then, my job as a church choir section leader, my private voice students, and my own personal projects, and I really don't know how I'm holding it together.
In fact, as I write this, I have been awake for the past 24 hours and will not be able to go home and go to bed for another six. This is far from ideal. I am not complaining. No, I will not kvetch. I am so grateful that I have the jobs I do, and that soon I'll be able to start saving some money, especially with a big move coming up in the very near future. So what's the point? Why do I need to tell you all about my grueling work schedule? To tell you that it's good. It's a season of my life that I need to have.
These past few days I have learned more about how to take care of myself and listen to the needs of my body. I have hydrated more (though, imbibed a bit more caffeine than I would like to admit to), laughed at great tv shows (the two episodes I've watched), and allowed myself to cry while listening to Beethoven (go read the Heiligenstadt Testament while listening to his seventh symphony and you will, too). I have realized what it feels like to be truly sleep-deprived, and that water will often serve me better than another cup of coffee or Mountain Dew. I've also seen kindness from my coworkers and managers that I never would have seen otherwise.
Beyond that, though, it's showing me that my career is not going to be all rose-petals and fairy tales. I'm going to have to work hard for what I want out of life. Everyone has to take jobs they don't particularly enjoy in order to get where they're going. I have great things on the horizon and I cannot wait to tell you all what is coming up in the next six months for me. But for now, for this season, I will be tired. I will have the most purple bags under my eyes that you'll ever see. I will have some nasty acid reflux because of caffeine consumption. I may even be grumpier than usual and more business-like. I apologize now and am so grateful for the grace I know I'm going to receive from those around me.
Let this be my encouragement to you: It will get better. Keep your chin up, sternum raised, and aim into the sunlight because there is always going to be something to look forward to and some way to endure and, perhaps, enjoy the crazy circumstances in which you find yourself currently.
Buck up, pal. We are all there with you.
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